Round by Round Results

DDiv1

Black Jack & The Showgirls

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

D1res

Jumbo & his Princes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

DDiv 7

Sexy P!mp & His C-Men

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DC1

The Chardonnay Socialists

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

D7res

The Brady Bunch

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

DC5

The Bastards

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

DC6

The Scum

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DDiv1

The Girl Guides

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

Div: C5 Team: The Bastards

  • Opposition: Pooraka
  • Ground: Park 10
  • Date: 13-05-17
  • Round: 6
  • 17.9.111 AUFC
  • 0.4.4 Other
  • Coach's Report
close B@stards v Pooraka (no pun really needed because they stink and so does their name)
Score: Who cares
So nobody has been awarded the glorifying trophy of getting to write up the match report for round 6 so I thought I would take it upon myself. Sorry Holsty but I plan on getting B@stards kicked out of the league for literary misconduct before I leave the state.
This one is going to be short but sweet because I want to go out early tonight and try and get my sausage wet.
Everybody rocked up at a very respectable time of 1pm today for a much anticipated BBQ to show our appreciation to those that brought us up since birth, unfortunately because Chalky was feeling under the weather and thought a group of bastards don’t care about their parents, the event was cancelled. After this disappointing start, moral was low, we were arrogant and knew we would win, because we always do.
First of all, a big congratulations to the Doc for 150 games, you are not the hero we deserve, just the one we need. I hope the missus made you a nice ice bath to come home to old fella. We were all kind of unimpressed by the lack of effort in sinking your drink, but we will let it slide this time.
Belly lead the team as el Capitan and although we really played like shit, that is not all on you mate because at least you didn’t let us concede a goal. Belly also was a mean asset through the guts, I heard Hoslty scream at me at least twice (amount of touches I got) to kick it to the center.
Atkins, as always you are just terrifying, the Austrian Oak of our generation, I saw one guy try to push you once and I think he has gone to the emergency room with a broken wrist. The rest of the games you were essentially snapping necks and cashing cheques.
Seb Gray I think you got more bounces than we kicked goals today, I honestly didn’t think any B@stard could run more than 50 meters before whipping out a ciggy and tinny other than Chalky, but you have shown us we really are the ‘fittest team you know’.
Evans started off extremely strong with the first kick and first goal of the game… Pooraka hates him, find out how he beat the whole team with this one simple trick!
You can tell Butler went to unigames playing tenpin bowling by the way he knocked over their crumbers like pins. Butts thinks that he only kicked four goals, that is not true because the score card says six, so it is pretty clear that the other two got knocked out of his memory with a clean right hook. Speaking of violence, why would number 12 start on Crouchy, it is as if he didn’t even know Crouchy played A-grade, just plain stupid in my opinion. But all up I think the collective IQ of their team would still only hit double digits, such is life.
Currie was doing what he always does and dropped a lot of bodies surrounding him on the ground, however a huge mention to the dirty Bulgarian who flattened more of their team than Trump could with a MOAB.
Chalkies helmet saved his life at least twice today when the collective IQ (approx. 80) came up with the genius idea that Chalky couldn’t beat them to the ball if he didn’t have a head.
Ash and Bread “b&h smooth” hill had some of the stickiest hands up front, taking more marks than Pooraka can count on their stubby fingers.
I know I have forgotten some people and some huge plays of the day, but I have to buy some frangas that I won’t even get to use tonight.
Sledgy out
#220

Darren Holst

Coach

3 1

Tom Reynolds

Ruck

0 0

Tom Chalk

Ruck Rover

0 2

Timothy Atkins

Rover

0 0

Brad Hill

Left Forward Pocket

0 3

Jordan Miller-Owen

Full Forward

0 1

Ashley Di Silvio

Right Forward Pocket

0 0

Daniel Weekley

Left Forward Flank

5 5

Anthony Butler

Centre Half Forward

0 0

Seamus Conheady

Right Forward Flank

0 3

William Evans

Left Centre Wing

0 0

Tom Bell

Centre

0 0

David Power

Right Centre Wing

0 0

Henry Ball

Left Back Flank

1 0

Hamish Crouch

Centre Half Back

0 0

Tyrin Wundenberg

Right Back Flank

0 0

Daniel Currie

Left Back Pocket

2 0

Fraser Thomson

Full Back

4 0

Sebastian Gray

Right Back Pocket

6 1

Michael Reid

Bench 1

0 0

Willem Petrovsky

Bench 2

0 1

Declan Harvey

Bench 3

0 0

Sam Morton

Bench 4

0 0

Nicholas Shopov

Bench 5