Round by Round Results

DDiv1

Black Jack & The Showgirls

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

D1res

Jumbo & his Princes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

DDiv 7

Sexy P!mp & His C-Men

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DC1

The Chardonnay Socialists

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

D7res

The Brady Bunch

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

DC5

The Bastards

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

19 20 21 22 23 24

DC6

The Scum

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DDiv1

The Girl Guides

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

Div: C5 Team: The Bastards

  • Opposition:
  • Ground: Park 10
  • Date: 29-04-17
  • Round: 4
  • 20.20.140 AUFC
  • 1.2.8 Other
  • Coach's Report
close ‘Anything Dane Swan can do, we can do gooderer’ was the subliminal message hidden amongst the misspelled words of a curiously timed post to the Bastards page just as the headliners of ‘Groovin’ the Moo’ were taking the stage. Friday music festivals have seen the demise of many a B@stards outfit over the years as the team exercises their right to get absolutely dicked in the days and hours before taking the field for the mighty Black and White V. This year it was not to be.
After a typically lackluster warm-up, the first quarter reminded the author of one of those classic scenes in a David Attenborough docco; The pride of lions toying with their already doomed prey, tossing it around and beating it ragged before striking the final blow. In this case the lions were a sluggish bunch of rebellious youths that stunk of Smirnoff ice and mosh pit jus, and their prey were a ragged bunch of fat old guys.
After some small structural changes to negate the wastage of the first quarter and the 15 Werf’s that were sat behind the ball, the 2017 B@stards machine hit it’s straps in the second quarter and piled on the misery. The midfield was utterly dominant, and made use of the wide expanses of Park 10 to find their forward targets in space. Finn Marshall’d his midfielders to form an impenetrable wall across the center of the oval. One onlooker noted that it was harder to get the ball out of our fifty than it was getting coke out of Columbia.
Very little can be said for the rest of the game, the B@stards continued their dominance and improved their efficiency across the whole ground as the game wore on. Coach Chong put an emphasis on a resolute and dour defensive game from the back six, and they delivered in spades, repelling all and sundry like Bouncers after Clipsal. Master Bate was clearly the best man on the ground, providing excellent link up and crunching packs. J-Bag Johnson and the Fat-Man Fatkins pumped them repeatedly up the guts and Ren played the best game of his fledgling Blacks career. Conehead got busy with some classic ‘junk time’ goals and by all reports punched a serious amount of West End in the hours after.
From the stats man: After 4 rounds (a reasonable sub-sample) the B@stards have scored a mean of 127 points per game and on average concede just 18. These appear to be fine numbers indeed, but considering we’re kicking at an average of just 53% they could make for even better reading! Kick-4-carton will likely be held from 35 m out directly in front this week!

Darren Holst

Coach

0 0

Finnigan Marshall

Ruck

0 0

Tom Bell

Ruck Rover

0 2

Tom Chalk

Rover

0 0

Michael Reid

Left Forward Pocket

0 2

Jordan Miller-Owen

Full Forward

0 0

Daniel Weekley

Right Forward Pocket

0 0

Alexander Howes

Left Forward Flank

0 3

Anthony Butler

Centre Half Forward

5 1

James Johnston

Right Forward Flank

0 0

Darcy Collett

Left Centre Wing

6 1

Alexander Bate

Centre

0 1

Christopher Shute

Right Centre Wing

0 0

Tyrin Wundenberg

Left Back Flank

0 1

Hamish Crouch

Centre Half Back

0 0

Hugh Mugford

Right Back Flank

0 0

Daniel Currie

Left Back Pocket

3 2

Timothy Atkins

Full Back

0 0

Sebastian Gray

Right Back Pocket

4 1

Tom Reynolds

Bench 1

0 0

Willem Petrovsky

Bench 2

2 1

Fraser Thomson

Bench 3

0 0

Brandon Stretton

Bench 4

0 1

Luke Spajic

Bench 5