Round by Round Results

DDiv1

Black Jack & The Showgirls

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

D1res

Jumbo & his Princes

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DDiv 7

Sexy P!mp & His C-Men

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DC1

The Chardonnay Socialists

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

D7res

The Brady Bunch

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DC5

The Bastards

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DC6

The Scum

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

DDiv1

The Girl Guides

Finals

1 2 3 4 5 6

Div: C5 Team: The Bastards

  • Opposition: Rosewater
  • Ground: Eric Sutton Oval
  • Date: 01-04-17
  • Round: 1
  • 22.19.151 AUFC
  • 1.0.6 Other
  • Coach's Report
close Stats:

Goal Kickers: Honestly I just stopped counting after I ran out of fingers
Players Hungover: 2
Winning Margin: A billion

On this glorious day the b@stards made their way to the beautiful Rosewater. One of the perks of the Eric Sutton Oval most certainly includes being within walking distance of the Outlaw Speed Shop, due to police being too scared to come into the Rosewater territory there is no need to be subtle about what you are selling. Unfortunately the speed shop was clearly out of stock because Rosewater were extremely slow off the mark, most likely due to severe come downs and withdrawal sickness. When playing against a team that has three boys that can’t even drink yet, and two of which looked like they stopped breast feeding last month, the 142 point win was a comfortable margin to end the first round on and has definitely made the room temperature west ends taste that little bit more delicious. I feel like this was the perfect welcome to the new boys.

Special Mentions:

Rulebook, thanks for giving them one goal, I think that was very considerate of you, additionally ‘clean sheeting a couple of under-age players’ sounds like an offence in the Criminal Law Consolidation Act 1935 (SA).

Sulicich, Katsaros and Spaj definitely played their part in attempting to commit the offence stated above. Enough said.

Marshall after the rucking I saw in the first quarter I was tempted to tell you to please stop, my penis can only get so erect, but the man didn’t stop, he just continued to drop his balls down the throats of anybody that had the privilege of playing in the centre.

Tim Atkins came out on a mission this morning doing what he does best, crashing packs and tackling hacks. For a man that started out last season as a full back the man has certainly proved that he was telling the truth when he claimed to Holsty “I am actually kind of fit you know” and has become an absolute asset in the guts.

Hilly was out today to impress his girlfriend and I think we can all agree that with his performance on the field she must be feeling a lot like the grass this morning… moist. His off field performance is most likely just as good as his on field performance because he hasn’t responded to any messages about tonight (probably still towelling himself off).

Throughout the game you could hear Chalky claiming that he ‘hasn’t done anything all day’ but it has been alleged that he was only stating this to build a strong defence for when he has to go to court for completely violating their team through the guts.

It was a pleasure to be treated to Monty’s presence for round one. If you don’t already have him in your AFL fantasy team, I would highly recommend it, with 69 touches, watching him play on a Saturday morning is better than sex. Good chicken.

Butts and Hilly were like the twin towers up front, Crouchy acting as if he was a plane, hit the two targets perfectly throughout the game, Shopov and Arnie collected every every crumb in the 50 as if they were seagulls. Definitely encouraging Currie to invest in a sketchy black van after all the candy he was selling.

The hard yards put in over the pre-season are most certainly the reason for the huge win today, right Mugsy?

Sledgy lived up to his name and like any tool belongs on a bench.

Everybody certainly played their part in the huge winning margin and it will be good to have a proper debrief over a few COLD west ends tonight at the Havvy, my drug effected brain is not as good as it used to be at remembering the significant plays of the day.

#220 out.

Editor's note: Rumour has it that the Rosewater canteen is the best in the amateur league. Going by the size and girth of some of their players, I would say this rumour is well-founded.

Darren Holst

Coach

6 0

Finnigan Marshall

Ruck

0 3

Monty Swift

Ruck Rover

0 0

Daniel Currie

Rover

0 0

Sam Morton

Left Forward Pocket

0 0

Tom Reynolds

Full Forward

0 0

Brandon Stretton

Right Forward Pocket

0 2

Samuel Arnfield

Left Forward Flank

2 4

Anthony Butler

Centre Half Forward

4 4

Brad Hill

Right Forward Flank

0 0

David Power

Left Centre Wing

3 0

Tom Chalk

Centre

0 0

Willem Petrovsky

Right Centre Wing

0 0

Hugh Mugford

Left Back Flank

1 3

Hamish Crouch

Centre Half Back

0 2

Nicholas Shopov

Right Back Flank

0 1

Nicholas Katsaros

Left Back Pocket

0 0

Luke Spajic

Full Back

0 2

Cohen Sulicich

Right Back Pocket

0 0

David Jaroszczuk

Bench 1

0 1

Declan Harvey

Bench 2

0 0

Thomas Hayes

Bench 3

0 0

Christopher Shute

Bench 4

5 0

Timothy Atkins

Bench 5