Round by Round Results

Div: C1 Team: The Chardonnay Socialists

  • Opposition: Broadview
  • Ground: University Oval
  • Date: 23-05-15
  • Round: 6
  • 23.16.154 AUFC
  • 2.4.16 Other
  • Coach's Report
close Leaves Of Chard 23/05/2015
It was a peaceful sunny afternoon at picturesque Bob Neil #1 when A Broads View arrived. The confused look occupied their faces as their punctuality made them wonder whether they were at the right ground. In fact the confusion was only about to heighten. In the distance one could hear a Chardonnay Juggernaut.
Hordes of ex-Chardonnay 2006-08 premiership players resembling a rare and beautiful sperm whale migration came from afar to enjoy a reunion and watch the present day players. The liniment was flowing freely in the rooms before the Dirty Wrestler gave an inspiring pre-match semi-obituary address. The players were no doubt aware of the occasion and what the man has done for the club.
The Chards certainly did not play like their namesake leafy green vegetable in the opening term. All out uncompromising attack. The ball looked as if it was magnetically forced towards the Chards end. Valley of the Shadow of Drop Bear was all over it and helped himself to an early goal, while Penny Lane got amongst the early goals. Being 41 to 1 at quarter time was certainly a good way to start the day.
Impending disaster struck in the quarter time huddle when the Stallion was stung by a bee. Luckily for the anaphylactic it was on the leg and he just brushed it off – the undeterred young chap helped himself to a string of silky touches for the remainder of the game. Coles-Myer group was marking everything like it was 1999 and going goal for goal with Penny Lane.
At half time it was 80 to 2 and the back six Chards were dirty for two reasons 1) because they had conceded at all & 2) because there wasn’t a player with a last name similar to Cummings to compliment Farkin, Wanking, Butts Deep and Look At The Size Of His Cock. Needless to say, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious was concerned at the position of his name on the board in between these hombres, as he looked like he was expecting to be told to lube up and do some skiing. The smell from the Rusty Barbie Never Sleeps lavishly arranged for the reunion and the impending Green ginger wine was tantalising for the leafy vegetables, but the focus had to be maintained. Good teams smash sides ruthlessly and this was what had to be done.
The third was more of the same – Candy from Wonka, line dancing from Achey Dakey Heart, penetration from SlipItInner and refugee employment in the form of tackle receives from Schiller’s List. Buckets Beilby gave us some redemption for his self-driven nickname, Farkin was doing all the Farkin Mopping up while Nickname Redundant was playing so well people were asking if he was high.
A Broads View were bemused. Try as they might they could not manage a goal until the last quarter. Quite simply they were made to feel like they never wanted to play football again. At one point the back six realised that they could play successful tricks on the opposition and lead for the oncoming ball, such was the poor entry into the forward lines from the Tigers.
So really in the last it all was about how many Penny Lane would kick, and in the end he upgraded his name to Note Lane, or Park Lane - finishing the day with 11 big ones and 4 screamers to top it off. The sense of theatre was high, none more so when Buckets Beilby generously handed off one to said CamNotHandball for one of his late goals.
When it was all said and done the Leaves of Chard triumphed by 138 points and did the onlookers proud. With On The Rohde Again masquerading as Rohdocop with his new metallic jaw on the side lines (whilst eating baked beans from a tin) along with Leonard Cohen Spinach to come back in the side shortly, things are looking positive for the Gentlemen of the 2015 Vintage.
The victory and premiership reunion was celebrated with copious amounts of Jest, Ale, Vodka and White Russians. Such was Walt Wittman’s desire for White Russians that when a certain establishment said that they could not serve the Poet a White Russian because they had no milk, he went to the convenience store conveniently located next door and bought some milk for said establishment to enjoy with fellow chaps.
How the game makes one thirst
The way it feels when the team comes first
To fight osteoporosis is not a crime
By one White Russian at a time.


0 1

David Blyth


0 0

Carey Schiller

Ruck Rover

0 3

Anthony Vallelonga


0 0

Luke Rogers

Left Forward Pocket

6 11

Camron-Jay Lane

Full Forward

0 1

Josh Richards

Right Forward Pocket

0 1

Matthew Beilby

Left Forward Flank

0 5

Brenton Meier

Centre Half Forward

2 0

Zachary Hambour

Right Forward Flank

0 0

Frazer Hayward

Left Centre Wing

5 0

Nathan Hallion


0 0

Daniel Byrne

Right Centre Wing

0 0

Brendan Hiscock

Left Back Flank

1 0

Daniel Arkun

Centre Half Back

3 0

Russell Doecke

Right Back Flank

0 0

Anthony Butler

Left Back Pocket

0 0

Robert Calley

Full Back

4 0

Wayne King

Right Back Pocket

0 0

Brad Cox

Bench 2

0 0

Robert Cameron

Bench 3

0 0

Paul Wittwer

Bench 4

0 0

Timothy Dean

Bench 5